My Car

I got my car fixed, or so I told myself. In reality I didn't do what I knew I was supposed to, which was bring it to the mechanic and spend lots of money to get to fixed. Instead I asked someone I knew to fix it. Sure I gave him some cash in the hand praying that my car would be good enough to drive just a little while longer. Yeah it worked, it was moving all right. Moving forward. But the blinking lights were still blinking on the dashboard. Once again I took a piece of cardboard and glued it over the blinking lights. Out of sight out of mind. 

But then I started driving up hill. That big hill I've been looking at for months thinking I have to conquer. If I can only conquer that hill then I know my car is fixed and I can keep on driving into the sunset. But something very expected happened when I started driving up the hill, after just a short while I found myself rolling backwards. With panic in my entire body all I could say was "Please no, please no!" I needed to be going forward. I see other cars pass me, full speed up the hill and over it they go. I want to see the other side too. I want to yell at them "Take me with you!" But instead I'm stuck in a car that's slowly rolling backwards and I'm starting to worry where it will stop. The scenery is starting to look familiar, I don't like it here. 

This is where the praying starts. When nothing else is left I find myself so scared again that I pray to God. Not to stop the pain, not to end the rolling backwards. I pray for a new car, because I'm sick of this one and it's not serving me. 

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