Loosing Yourself

When women go from being “not mothers” to “mothers” there’s a lot of conversations (and articles and blog posts, etc) about loosing oneself. The woman gets lost when she becomes a mother. A new mom to her second child said this to me recently and I felt kind of annoyed by this. It’s like we are not allowed to change. We live in a society where we should never grow old, get tired, slow down or any other thing that comes with life changes. Because that’s the word that somehow we have been taught to fear; change. Though it’s inevitable and constant through life we are supposed to not want it. Some people speak of being scared of change like it’s a good thing. But life is change, are you scared of life?

I don’t think a woman looses herself when she becomes a mother, she just changes. It’s evolution. If a woman doesn’t change when something so big as becoming a mom happens shouldn’t that be a concern? Motherhood changes everything, as it should. You are now fully responsible for another person’s life. That is a big fucking deal!

I’ve been a mother for over twelve years now. That’s a long time. And maybe because I became a mother in my early twenties when I didn’t really know who I was I didn’t feel a big sense of loss when my daughter was born. I did feel that she was a big part in my life changing in a positive way and me figuring out who I am and what is important to me in life. Maybe because I’ve been a mother for most of my adult life it’s hard to feel like I’m loosing who I am when I become a mom. Yes, adding a new child into your life changes things, you’re adding a new family member which changes the family dynamic. It’s a big change for everyone in the family and every individual with react in their own way. It’s like every other change in life, with time you get used to it and it becomes the new normal.